Today

It's all so hard.  It's all so humiliating.  He called me once from a private number and told me that what he wants to do is get a divorce, he wouldn't give me the phone number.

Then he sends me this cold brief email asking when would be a good time to call.   He has my number, he knows my routine.  Why does he act like he has to make an appointment.  He knows I can't call him because he dailed star 69 or made his number private so I can't call it.

I told him he could call anything after 10:30 after the kids went to bed, but if all he wanted to talk about was business matters with ending our relationship, I couldn't do that.

He hasn't called.

I emailed him and asked him for an address.   He wrote back and gave me one a day or two later.   That's all he said.

He knows he can call me anytime but I can't ever call him.   He has said such bad things about me that not even one person whom I thought were my friends too, have asked me if I was ok.  Nobody.  It really really hurts.  

I have such bad times at night from the time I get home until I fall asleep.  

It is not right for him to be able to call me anytime (not that he does, he has no more desire to ever talk to me again).  But,  I can't call him and ask him for an address, or tell him there is mail, or ask him why the lawnmower doesn't work, or tell him that he left a big garbage bag of clothes sitting right in the kitchen floor.   I don't know if he wants it or he meant for me to throw it away.

The fact not one person I know has asked if I am ok, means that he has told likes and destroyed what people think of me.

He says he is staying at Greg's.   I haven't seen one single post on facebook from him.  I think he has blocked me from all interaction.   I did see Tammy's post about how she had dinner with Jerry and Barb and Greg, the foursome of them.  I guess the best thing to do would be to unfriend him from facebook.  Then I wouldn't be tempted to check it all the time to see if he posted anything,if he has changed his marital status or has pictures of him and some bimbo.  The he could be free to post anything he wants about all the new loves he has or all the new hates he has without worrying about me seeing them.

I guess the only thing that he wanted to talk to me about in his one line email to me was that he wanted to tell me to forward his mail and he wanted to know when I was going to draw up divorce papers and send them to him.

He was such a jerk to my kids and so stingy and wrong about paying his share of the marital expenses, that I think he behaved that way on purpose so he could move to Cinti, have the sympathy of all his friends, have all of them hate me, and then have whatever woman he's got on the line.

I should make him wait for years for a divorce like his last wife did.   He is being so terrible to me.   He can file for divorce anytime he wants and hire an attorney.   I'm not doing all the damn work though, when he won't even write proper emails or give me a number to call him.