Lonely and sad

I cried all the way home from work.   I cried while I fixed pizza crusts with olive oil and herbs and put them in the oven.  I am all alone.   My children are with their father.  I've had no contact from him since I called him on Tuesday, the day he left me.   No emails or phone calls.   No word from him or of him. 

Clearly he has told his (once our) friends some bad things about me or they would want to know how I am doing.  

I am doing badly.

I am pathetic.

I am crying again, listening to the computer whirl, the dog is squeaking her toy.   The ceiling leaked again.   His ear phones are gone, his glasses are gone, he is gone.

I want to talk to him or hold him so badly. 

I know we couldn't live together because he couldn't be a husband and step father, even a very good roommate but I wish things had ended differently.  I wish I hadn't been so angry.  I wish I had taken some of the love he was offering.  I wanted it and needed it so badly.

I bet he is drinking it up with his buddies or with his new love, making fun of me.