I came home late from the store. I talked to Chris Hayes, brought all the stuff in from outside and then talked a long time to Laurie. There is nothing weird with Chris Hayes, haven't seen him since he came to the office about a year ago and only've had emails and such. He's just an acquaintenance. He talked about NPR, photography and stuff. He's just wordy. Laurie and I were talking about making stuff, food, henna, etc.
Right as I was getting ready to come home, this pain started in my elbows. It was significant and became quite intense around the time I came home. I remember opening the back of the car to show Laurie a table I bought as I was getting ready to leave. My elbows felt ok then. Soon after that the pain set in and radiated down to my hands. It also did in my hips and my feet. Every joint hurt, mid back, neck, knees, jaw. My hips and elbows hurt intensely.
It was really bad and I began to cry. I was going to the computer again to look up symptoms but couldnt find anything. I hurt so bad. I walked around but my hips felt very stiff and sore. I felt very bad. Headache, hot, sweaty.
I've been sick all week and Jerry has been vile, absolutely vile toward me.
I was on my way to use the computer again when I felt I couldn't take another step. I just wanted to ease the pain. I got on all 4s by Camille's closet. It hurt to lock my elbows, it hurt my hips. I coulnd't get comfortable. I was crying from the pain.
Jerry came and stood in the doorway, aloof and said "what are you doing there on the floor?" in a very angry way. He was mean. I climbed up and he marched into the bedroom, with his back to me. He showed me no sympathy, no feelings of love. NOTHING BUT HATRED.
NOTHING BUT HATRED
I was crying. I managed to get up and started to follow him until I saw him go in the bedroom. The tV and living room lights were off. Lately, he has been putting his lips to the top of my head and going to bed, telling me goodnight and then shutting the bedroom door. I felt like there was some kind of forcefield keeping me from going to the bedroom too. Like he was telling me I couldn't come in there. Some nights he didn't even tell me he was going to bed.
I went into the living room and sat on the couch. My hips and elbows were so sore and stiff. I was crying from the pain and the way he was being. He said that I was supposed to be home at 8 and I didn't get home until 11 and I didn't give him any explanation. That's the first thing I said, I apologized and explained.
He said I didnt have any pain at the store. I was crying so hard. I was sitting on the couch balling. He came and threw a photograph at me of a group wedding shot from the wedding of Bill and I. He said it was on the bed, that he found it in "our bed". It must have been when I dumped the junk box out looking for pieces of broken jewelry to use on the little green chair.
I cried so hard. He doens't care about me. Don't EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER believe he does again.
I was in so much pain and miserable. I was out of my mind with a broken heart, misery and pain that I left. I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I left. I had nowhere to go. I drove to the office. Here i am. I love him but I hate him.
Hate must prevail because he IS EVIL TOWARD ME. HE HAS TURNED INTO SOMEONE WHO REALLY REALLY DOES HATE ME.
Now here I am at the office, no bra, jeans, headache, miserable. Still have pain
