and so it went until she went

Everything is just the same, maybe worse, yes...worse. I cry every day. We went to Heather's and I tried to pretend that all these things don't matter to me. It seemed like we were having fun together. We got in the car to leave and I could immediately tell he was frozen up against me, gone from me. I was no longer in his realm of caring.

He barely spoke to me, I don't think he looked at me and he certainly NEVER talked NOR looked at Camille. Things remained that way the whole 9 hrs back. I said something to him and he told me he was being that way because I talked about how it might rain. He had packed the given furniture from Heather's in the trailer and Camille, Heather and Rick were acting all uptight about the weather. Camille is always wanting to know if it will rain and they were all discussing it. I said something like "I am sure it will be fine, if he rains or something we will just have to do something else". He said that the rain wouldn't hurt the chairs and then Rick said he wasn't worried, but I think it was Rick who started out talking about it.

Apparently me saything that if it rained, we would do something else, like cover them up differently or something in order to show that Jerry was on top of it to Rick and that we weren't thumbing out nose at the given things, apparently that made Jerry very mad at me and he pushed me out of his life again. I didn't realize it at first. I told him I knew how to get back the way we had come but he made his own turns out of the neighborhood without asking me and then went the wrong way. He was mad at me, turned off from me and Camille, who is just a sweet precious 5 year old. When we got home, after an hour or two he told me why he was being that way toward me, because I had talked about it raining.

It was like he tripped me. I can't believe he loves me so little that he alienates me because I talked about rain. He stayed alienated from me for days. I felt so sad, so lonely, so alone, alienated, unloved, betrayed, ugly, it made me realize all the things that were wrong with us again. I got sadder and sadder.

We had to pick up Jarrett and Emily on Wednesday and he barely spoke to me for hours, after days of me trying to get him subtly to stop being that way toward me. He finally asked me why I was crying and I told him that there was so much wrong. First he had been mad over the rain talk and then I told him about all the other things. I started out talking about how much I have to pay and how little he will pay for living expenses. I tried to move on to how little he does around the house and how the extremely unequal