I gave him a week of vacation, a week and a half with his kids (the most time he has spent with them in a row since Sandy kicked him out) and we got along fairly well. We get back home and he becomes very sad, down, and tells me he is extremely unhappy. Everything seems terrible to him. Rather than being glad that and happy that he spent an intensive 1 1/2 weeks with his kids (something I guarantee he never did before) and being grateful to me for making it happen, he is merely rolling around in the sadness that he doesn't live in the house with Sandy anymore.
He will not be happy until he is away from me and living in Cincinnati. He will either move back in the home he owns with HER and get with her again or live somewhere else. Either way, even if he sees his kids less than he does now, he will be happier.
He will be happier just because he will think he is close to the kids even if he doesn't see them. It will cost him way more than $425 to live there, to live without me, but he won't care. He will think it is better all around.
I love him and have enjoyed getting along with him the last week or two but despite that he is less happyt.
I feel so hopeless and sick.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
and so it went until she went
Everything is just the same, maybe worse, yes...worse. I cry every day. We went to Heather's and I tried to pretend that all these things don't matter to me. It seemed like we were having fun together. We got in the car to leave and I could immediately tell he was frozen up against me, gone from me. I was no longer in his realm of caring.
He barely spoke to me, I don't think he looked at me and he certainly NEVER talked NOR looked at Camille. Things remained that way the whole 9 hrs back. I said something to him and he told me he was being that way because I talked about how it might rain. He had packed the given furniture from Heather's in the trailer and Camille, Heather and Rick were acting all uptight about the weather. Camille is always wanting to know if it will rain and they were all discussing it. I said something like "I am sure it will be fine, if he rains or something we will just have to do something else". He said that the rain wouldn't hurt the chairs and then Rick said he wasn't worried, but I think it was Rick who started out talking about it.
Apparently me saything that if it rained, we would do something else, like cover them up differently or something in order to show that Jerry was on top of it to Rick and that we weren't thumbing out nose at the given things, apparently that made Jerry very mad at me and he pushed me out of his life again. I didn't realize it at first. I told him I knew how to get back the way we had come but he made his own turns out of the neighborhood without asking me and then went the wrong way. He was mad at me, turned off from me and Camille, who is just a sweet precious 5 year old. When we got home, after an hour or two he told me why he was being that way toward me, because I had talked about it raining.
It was like he tripped me. I can't believe he loves me so little that he alienates me because I talked about rain. He stayed alienated from me for days. I felt so sad, so lonely, so alone, alienated, unloved, betrayed, ugly, it made me realize all the things that were wrong with us again. I got sadder and sadder.
We had to pick up Jarrett and Emily on Wednesday and he barely spoke to me for hours, after days of me trying to get him subtly to stop being that way toward me. He finally asked me why I was crying and I told him that there was so much wrong. First he had been mad over the rain talk and then I told him about all the other things. I started out talking about how much I have to pay and how little he will pay for living expenses. I tried to move on to how little he does around the house and how the extremely unequal
He barely spoke to me, I don't think he looked at me and he certainly NEVER talked NOR looked at Camille. Things remained that way the whole 9 hrs back. I said something to him and he told me he was being that way because I talked about how it might rain. He had packed the given furniture from Heather's in the trailer and Camille, Heather and Rick were acting all uptight about the weather. Camille is always wanting to know if it will rain and they were all discussing it. I said something like "I am sure it will be fine, if he rains or something we will just have to do something else". He said that the rain wouldn't hurt the chairs and then Rick said he wasn't worried, but I think it was Rick who started out talking about it.
Apparently me saything that if it rained, we would do something else, like cover them up differently or something in order to show that Jerry was on top of it to Rick and that we weren't thumbing out nose at the given things, apparently that made Jerry very mad at me and he pushed me out of his life again. I didn't realize it at first. I told him I knew how to get back the way we had come but he made his own turns out of the neighborhood without asking me and then went the wrong way. He was mad at me, turned off from me and Camille, who is just a sweet precious 5 year old. When we got home, after an hour or two he told me why he was being that way toward me, because I had talked about it raining.
It was like he tripped me. I can't believe he loves me so little that he alienates me because I talked about rain. He stayed alienated from me for days. I felt so sad, so lonely, so alone, alienated, unloved, betrayed, ugly, it made me realize all the things that were wrong with us again. I got sadder and sadder.
We had to pick up Jarrett and Emily on Wednesday and he barely spoke to me for hours, after days of me trying to get him subtly to stop being that way toward me. He finally asked me why I was crying and I told him that there was so much wrong. First he had been mad over the rain talk and then I told him about all the other things. I started out talking about how much I have to pay and how little he will pay for living expenses. I tried to move on to how little he does around the house and how the extremely unequal
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
it doesn't matter
it doesn't matter how much I try to talk to him. he is so desirous of holding on to his sit on his ass ways every evening, no paint, not chores, no nothing, just sit and watch this pretend wife wear herself out while the REAL FAT WIFE, WHOM HE REALLY LOVES, gets everything.
Let the stupid pretend wife do vacumming, cleaning, laundry, scrubbing, cooking, grocery shopping, everything else so he can sit on his ass all evening and chat to his buddies.
Let the stupid pretend wife do vacumming, cleaning, laundry, scrubbing, cooking, grocery shopping, everything else so he can sit on his ass all evening and chat to his buddies.
we have nowhere to go
He sits night after night. On the computer, phone, tv. I cook or clean, take the kids to their activities, do the laundry, scrub the floors, do the dishes. My existence is minimal at best. I am nothing to him. He considers it more important to see me wearing down, dying in chores, than to stand up and do his share.
I pay for food. about 350.00 a month
cable 120.00
phone 120.00
gas 120
electric 120
trash 15
et.c
et.c
et.c
He says he only has to pay for himself, he is only him, hes not part of a blended family. He's just him. A bachelor living in a pretend bachelor world. There isn't any evidence of a marriage even save a 24 hour honeymooon and a couple of rings. Nothing changed.
He would rather see me wear out as an unhappy tired, exhausted, sad outcast kinda girl than change one thing.
I know he doesn't want me anymore.
I am so sad.
I should just end it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I pay for food. about 350.00 a month
cable 120.00
phone 120.00
gas 120
electric 120
trash 15
et.c
et.c
et.c
He says he only has to pay for himself, he is only him, hes not part of a blended family. He's just him. A bachelor living in a pretend bachelor world. There isn't any evidence of a marriage even save a 24 hour honeymooon and a couple of rings. Nothing changed.
He would rather see me wear out as an unhappy tired, exhausted, sad outcast kinda girl than change one thing.
I know he doesn't want me anymore.
I am so sad.
I should just end it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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