My Love

I am in the room with Camille, waiting unpatiently while she goes to sleep. I click my fingers hard on some of the keyboard letters, letters like o and l and m - and the left arrow stick sometimes. (Remember the pop I spilled? You told me it would cause problems.) Camille is drifting off to sleep, I am drifting off to unconsciousness.

Baby, I love you so much that if I allow the full affect of it to fall on me like I veil, I can't breathe, I think I will collapse. As ridiculous as that may sound, it's very true. You mean so much to me.

I have completely given up any fight for you to obtain justice in your divorce - and I guess I have given up any hope for any particular outcome ever. You have blocked my questions, hopes, demands, prayers, - with vague simple ideas of things to come when I worked my ass off, bared my throat, gave up everything for you.

I love you completely. I am in this endeavor for the term. I just didn't realize that in giving up my life, my things, my security, everything I have known, my marriage, my children's life, and planning to move my children to another city, far away from everything they have ever known, that I was also taking your wife as another child of yours. You told me tonight that you cannot distinguish between your wife and your kids and I guess that explains everything. They are all the innocent child victims and I am the villain.

I hurt so because of all of this. You will never understand.

I will give everything I have to you.