I miss you.

I feel very lonely and blue. Even after I told you I was feeling better about things, you didn't seem to want to talk to me. Have you realized that my worst fears are true? I am so lonely. I guess all that talk about ultimatums and me begging, begging, begging you to ensure you filed before it had been a WHOLE year just seemed like more crazy Lisa talk. There has been so much emotion, so many tears, I guess it just seems normal when Lisa crys herself into oblivion.

Oh, Jerry I love you so

I love you so very much. Yes, I need you. Yes, I want you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything. But -- I've wanted it for so long and my love, longing, and lust for you have gotten me no closer to a life with you. I need to know when you plan to commit to be with me. (I don't mean "commitment" as in marriage necessarily. I don't even dare to hope for that.) I don't know if I can make it though unless you can give me something to count on. You know how hard this has been for me. You have choices and so far you have chosen not to be with me. How much longer will you not choose me? If you can't love, tell me so.

To my Love

Oh baby. What you wrote about sleeping with me was so beautiful. I read it at a time when I needed something positive, something loving. Your sleeping post was well written and filled with loving emotion. Thank you my love.

I love sleeping with you. I have never felt so safe, happy, comforted and loved at night as when I am sleeping with you. To feel your warmth, to sense your body, to sense your love. It's tremendous.

I know that the past week was very hard for you. It was very hard for anyone who knew David and his family but particularly hard for you. I was impressed by your strength and ability to comfort Stacy and Julie. Most importantly though, I was impressed by the depths of your loyalty, love, and devotion to them.

I know you are feeling very bad now my love. We all cared for, liked, loved, respected David. It's so very sad. I know you miss your darling monkeys. I hope that the next week will be better and will help you begin to find your balance again.

You are the love of my life. You are my everything.

Sleeping with you

I mean really sleeping... The other is wonderful, amazing, and powerfully intense but I mean really sleeping. I love to sleep beside you. I love to fall asleep next to you. I love to wake next to you. In between, I especially love waking in the middle of the night and searching to find your warmth. To reach out with some part of my body until I find some part of you in the dark. The best is when you make one of your little noises when I touch you. It lets me know you enjoy my being there & being touched. Thank you
I love you so very much

My Love

I am in the room with Camille, waiting unpatiently while she goes to sleep. I click my fingers hard on some of the keyboard letters, letters like o and l and m - and the left arrow stick sometimes. (Remember the pop I spilled? You told me it would cause problems.) Camille is drifting off to sleep, I am drifting off to unconsciousness.

Baby, I love you so much that if I allow the full affect of it to fall on me like I veil, I can't breathe, I think I will collapse. As ridiculous as that may sound, it's very true. You mean so much to me.

I have completely given up any fight for you to obtain justice in your divorce - and I guess I have given up any hope for any particular outcome ever. You have blocked my questions, hopes, demands, prayers, - with vague simple ideas of things to come when I worked my ass off, bared my throat, gave up everything for you.

I love you completely. I am in this endeavor for the term. I just didn't realize that in giving up my life, my things, my security, everything I have known, my marriage, my children's life, and planning to move my children to another city, far away from everything they have ever known, that I was also taking your wife as another child of yours. You told me tonight that you cannot distinguish between your wife and your kids and I guess that explains everything. They are all the innocent child victims and I am the villain.

I hurt so because of all of this. You will never understand.

I will give everything I have to you.

I love you too baby.

I love you very much, I miss you, I need you. I am looking forward to spending the weekend with you. I am looking foward to hanging around with you and your monkeys. Thank you for the exquisite love making on Monday morning. It was exquisite, beautiful. My body was so in tune to you. You are an incredible sexual partner, so giving, so loving, so physical and sexual and crazy and into it. Oh my!

On a serious note - turn away and don't read if you don't want a downer - I am feeling pretty scared, panicky and sad that you and Sandy are still married, still haven't filed for divorce. I've been struggling with it pretty hard the last week or so. My journal entries have been filled with my thoughts about it; they are sometimes sad, often filled with anger. I know you won't have filed by your separation anniversary date. I already feel very sick about thoughts of it. Pretty soon you and Sandy will have a 17th wedding anniversary. Thoughts of that upset me too. My feelings complete teeter-totter between extreme emotion and numbness. Will you make it to 18? Maybe. I have so much pain and so much anger.

I love you

Hi Baby,
Just wanted you to know how much I love you.

I miss you my darling man.
I miss your fine ears, curly hair, well appointed mouth.
I miss your earring, your strong abdominal muscles, your biceps.
I miss your rear end, your daddy parts, your frog legs, your soft feet.
I miss how good you are to me, how wonderful and safe I feel when you hold me.
I miss your kisses, your tender touch.
I love you so very much.

Hey Baby!

"You can't do it when I'm sitting here", you are saying. But I'm typing anyway. You can't stop me. We just made love. It was wonderful. You say it was quick and dirty but it was wonderful. Thank you. Today we are going to Tall Stacks and maybe Jungle Jims. Looking forward to it. Thanks for watching me type.

Today

Good morning My Love...
You are asleep in my bed right now. I don't know what today will bring but I am looking forward to sharing it with you. We had a bad week apart & I hope that we can find our way back to our normal, abnormal. I am sorry for the times when I am more trouble than I am worth.
Today, today will be a better day. I will see to it, I promise.
I love you more than breathing...

We had such a fine weekend, didn't we babe? I so enjoy being with you. I enjoy watching you interact with other people, teach and talk about things. When we were at the Pig Roast, I listened as you explained rope and rescue techniques, rigging, and then something else too.

I had warm and comfortable feelings when I was in the group of women Saturday night, talking about sex and men in the grotto. Even though I felt strange when they talked about divorces and such, I loved talking about grotto men and sex, knowing that you loved me. Knowing about the incredible love making we have. Knowing all those women would trade a limb to be in my shoes.
We danced more than any other couple at the Pig Roast. We kissed more than any other couple. We touched more than any other couple. I love being so close to you. I love that you want to be so close to me.

Hello Love

My darling:

I have set up this blog, One Steamy Romance, as a private blog, to be seen by the two of us only, not available to the public, which we can share. We can use it as a private scintillating journal of our love, our love making, some to tease, tantalize, pass the dreary weekdays. Don't worry about anyone else having access. We are both authors, we both have equal access, but no one else does.

I will help you, walk you through it. It's a way to stay connected, close, and enjoy our rare and unique spicy love.

So, let's try it out and have some fun, baby!